So, my apologies for the poor intro. All I really intended was to emphasize, that even though I'm not doing the best in life at the moment, the fact that I know that I will always have art to go to is my comfort.
Being the only one fresh out of my undergrad, people had concerns about me in the beginning. Typically, those who enter graduate school take a break from school and "find themselves" through studying abroad, working in a studio, showing in galleries, networking, etc. I, personally, was ready for the challenge. I hated not being in a studio in an "artsy" environment. Last semester, I focused on destruction. Well. It didn't start off that way. Last semester, I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I was continuing where I left off in my studies at Houston. I learned many new techniques and learned to use many new an weird materials and media (Yupo paper and the terrible Akua water-based printmaking inks). Needless to say, the professors realized pretty quickly that I did not have a solid concept and held me back a semester.
Getting re-reviewed really is not a bad thing at all. You're actually lucky to meet with the entire staff once again!
Hogwash. I can't tell you how many times I have heard this from both professors and students. Failing a test is failing a test. A win is a win as well and I did not win. So this next semester, I will meet with the entirety of the art and art history staff here at UTSA for a measly 30 minutes which will determine whether or not I can continue here within the MFA program.
Going back to the idea of destruction I had last semester, I realized that I do not know much about destruction. I know general facts but nothing about physical destruction. I was also not interested in the processes of broad topics like hurricanes, mold and rust. That disinterest is what killed me in my Review.
However, this semester has begun very well. I was told by one of my painting professors that I just need to paint what I know. I heard the same thing from my art history professor about writing.
All you have to do is write what you know.It started off with the idea of telling the story of my mother. She is the strongest woman I know; giving birth to two children, surviving breast cancer, defeating any trace of cancer, and even recently, supporting the family financially. She is who I want to be. Then I began to think about my dad. He recently lost his father, broke his hip along with injuring many parts of his body. And then with my sister, I immediately thought of the little creature who is growing strong in her belly. Lastly, I thought of me -- Everything I have been through and how it has left me. The most important thing that I believe I know best is my family.
I've been working on an autobiography of my family, most importantly in the "now." Beginning with myself, I've been working with the idea of destruction. The term "destruction" is being used a lot more loosely this semester. First thing I began to think about with my entire family were the physical ailments we have collected over the years. Mine mainly come from running and movement (dance).
With my mixed media works, I incorporate drastic colors and the human body (mine, specifically), and layer over and over to emphasize the concept of injuries over time. So far, the projects have been receiving great reviews from my professors. I have also been documenting my progress through new media. I don't know exactly if I can defend a purpose for the hours and hours of footage I have, but it has been fun playing with the film and editing it. I'm excited about my concept, but at the same time, hold back because these days nothing is ever happening properly...
It is quite simple to become cynical and a complete pessimist with such a dreadful year passing by. My apologies now if you've seen me in a poor mood recently. It's hard to find the goodness I know is hidden there somewhere at the moment. So, for now, until I return to the normal, not-too-pessimistic Natalie, I'll leave you here with my latest self portrait.
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